Introvert, quietly loud and proud

I read all the time: I always have a book on the go and love Fantasy Fiction (see my geek is coming out already) and I used to hate reading text books.  However when I started training and working as a massage therapist I realised that I needed to read around the subject, as there is a lot of information that I feel I need to know. I travel to my clinics by public transport so I have a lot of time that I could read. I came to the decision that I would read "work books" when travelling to clinics and courses during the week, and save my   reading for pleasure for other times that I read.  I worked out that this gives me about 500 hours of reading time per year (yep, I spend that much time on London Underground).  This might sound daunting, however I find it really worthwhile, and I can cover a large number of subjects in that time.  Some of these subjects will grace this blog as they are important.

I have just finished reading Quiet: The power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking by Susan Cain and I have realised that this love of reading is just one of the signs that I am an Introvert. This is a word that had got so many bad connotations in this world that it has become something to be ashamed of; this book will hopefully help us Introverts to reclaim it and quietly whisper it with pride.

Susan Cain describes herself as an introvert and in this book examines the way that our current, western culture is focused on and celebrates the Extrovert Ideal (loud, brash, "popular", bigger/better/newer, "confident") and is geared to force all western people into this one mould from childhood schooling onwards.  However, some of us don't fit: we like to have quiet, recovery time.  We like to read, think about problems, formulate answers and solutions, and when we think we have it right we will present it with passion (if we truly believe in it) and we are the introverts.

This isn't just a life-style choice, according to research presented in the book there are some physiological differences between us, so no amount of training will change who we fundamentally are, but we might become better at giving a speech.  These include the way that our brains actually function when presented with new stimuli such as meeting new people or being introduced to new concepts.  Introverts' bodies and minds react differently to Extroverts'.

According to the book, many of the greastest minds and business leaders (e.g. Bill Gates) were/are introverts , and they are universally accepted as being "successful", so it seems surprising that introverts are shunned as being lesser creatures that need to be changed to "fit in" and be successful.  Susan Cain provides examples of  numerous experiments that show time and again that under certain circumstances Introverts out perform Extroverts.

Many creative types (e.g. writers) are also highly Introvert and would not be able to function if forced into a brain storming group (great evidence that group brainstorming  is detrimental to both extroverts and introverts).  The book also looks at the evidence that putting Extroverts in charge can lead to a cycle that can spiral out of control (as they can overlook warning signs that an Introvert would heed), but that Introverts are frequently ignored because they don't have the best presentation skills, even when what they are saying is better than what the extroverts come up with.  However, extroverts can get the messages out there with flair and panache, can push for the beneficial risks and are good leaders.

It is one of the key things discussed in the book (although it is blindingly obvious) : Introverts and Extroverts have different strengths and they should be celebrated and encouraged, as together we will be the better for it.

Some people think I am a shy extrovert in that I can talk to strangers, will stand and give a speech at a Wedding or run courses. Yes, I can stand up in front of a room and talk or talk easily with people I've just met,  but I have to feel secure (for example they've approached me and are asking for my help or I'm hosting the party/event) and confident in what I am going to be talking about (I will have spent a lot of time thinking about what I'm going to be talking about, rehearsing what I'm going to be saying). So, I have a mechanism that helps me to do this, but it has its limitations.

I know that I need time away from people to be able to recharge my batteries so I can continue to interact (I will often disappear for a quick walk alone at lunchtimes, not only to get a breath of fresh air but to have a bit of down time), I know that I will find it easiest to concentrate in a communal area with headphones on listening to some music to drown out the rest of the world, which is something I developed to survive Office life. I really do detest open plan offices, and I think there should be a special circle in hell for the person who came up with the idea.  Open plan offices are less conducive for creative work that they are meant to foster, and this book reports on research that shows that both Introverts and Extroverts don't work as well in these environments.

This book has given me the confidence to say that my feelings are valid, that I do not have to be the life and soul of the party the whole time, that I can be me.  It also makes me accept that my clients are also a mix of extrovert and introvert and I will need to adapt my approach to suit them, similarly the advice that I give will also have to be adapted to suit them too as not everyone wants the peace and quiet that us Introverts crave.

So I am an Introvert, and I will whisper it confidently.

What is meditation?

Meditation is the practice of focusing and training your mind to achieve an alteration in mental state, whether bring the mind to focus on an image, or trying to still the mind so that other areas become more apparent and you “become one with the universe”.  The images you probably have of meditation probably involve sitting cross legged for hours at a time, chanting “OM” constantly and this is often how it is presented in popular culture, but it really doesn’t have to be like this.

There are lots of different types of meditation that can be practiced by people wanting to meditate and they are ways that give you something to focus on and then allow it to drift away and the constant chatter that happens disappears.  Most of them are ways to encourage you to “live in the present” rather than worrying about the past or future.  This living in the now is the reason I frequently suggest people do some sort of meditation if they are stressed or anxious. Some of the different types are:

• Visualisation: Your focus is to see images in your minds eye.  This can be imagining a candle flame in your mind, or a walk in your favourite woodland/park/outdoor space.  This can be quite difficult to start with, as your mind is likely to struggle
• Guided: This is a mixture of methods where you are talked through the techniques by someone else.  This can be someone leading a meditation group or a CD/tape of someone (it could even be yourself reading through a meditation technique you want to do).  Having someone telling you what to do can be a very good way of keeping the mind focused on the meditation and not getting caught up in your thoughts.
• Breathing: Focusing on the breath is one of the most basic forms of meditation and is something that is practiced all around the world.
• Mindfulness: This is the buddhist form of meditation and its focus is many forms of living in the present.  Breathing is used as a focus initially, but the stillness that this creates is then taken to other areas of your life and you become aware of what you are doing throughout many other aspects of your life.
• Chanting: This could be the saying of a religious prayer, repeating an uplifting motivational statement or chanting a short phrase (mantra) or making and experiencing a sound (such as OM or Aum) to act as the focus for the mind.
• Transcendental Meditation: This is a form of mantra meditation that became popular in the 1950s and 1960s and is still widely taught and practiced to this day.
• Other forms: This is the extension of mindfulness so that all areas of your life can become a form of meditation.  You can meditate on the sensations of texture/smell/taste as you eat a meal (or start with a grape if that’s too much). The feelings/sounds/smells that surround you as you walk, and even the footsteps that you take can be the focus (though this should only be done somewhere safe, not on a busy high street).  Some even talk about meditating when washing up.  Anything can be used as your focus for your mind.

I am also of the firm belief that you can spend a shorter amount of time doing “quality” meditation more frequently rather than feeling guilty about not being able to spend an hour each day doing it.  Things like breathing style meditations, walking meditations can be slipped into your daily routine in short bursts, but it is always good to have time to spend on other areas such as visualisation that need more time given to them to really benefit.

Short Breathing exercise:

Try focusing on your breathing for ten breaths three times a day:

• really feel how the air moves into and through the body,
• what parts of the spine move and at what point in the breathing cycle
• do you feel your ribs moving? if so where (top, middle or bottom)
• Do any thoughts crowd into your head? if so then note what they’re about and return to watching your breath, you can deal with what they were about after you’ve done the 10 breaths.
• When you finish do you feel any different?  

 Then when you have more time try doing the same for longer, or search out and attend a meditation group.

I run a drop in meditation group every Monday at the Clerkenwell Clinic at 1pm.